Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
