Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who did Billy Mays play for?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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