I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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