did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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