Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
