yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ugly people sure do ruin things
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
