she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
