Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
