i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
