only if we run a train.
done.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
