I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
