I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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