Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
