I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
