highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
