I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
