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I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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