someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
