You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
