im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
