I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if only i could text you this smell
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
