Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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