I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
