I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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