Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
