I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
