i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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