Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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