Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lo siento on account of my penis...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
