"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize