i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
