i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
