when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
