Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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