the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
