I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
as a side note pls kill me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
