U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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