I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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