i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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