At least make sure they are 18
Why
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
