Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
