apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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