I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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