Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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