she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
