chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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