yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
