My sheets look like a crime scene.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
