Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
