and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
