I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
