What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
